SURPRISE!!!

Can I really disappear from the blogosphere for three consecutive months and then just reappear with no explanation necessary?? My daughter assures me I can. She calls it BWOG – Blogging Without Guilt!


It’s been a wonderful, but busy, summer that seems to have vanished before my very eyes. Could school really be starting in our county next week?? Yep – it is!! And not only that – with the start of school the munchkins will be off to kindergarten. They are excited and so is Gran. Their mother has mixed feelings. GRIN! Ah, the changes God allows in our lives and the adventure those changes unfold. I know the munchkins are going to love school. They are so eager to learn and they are both such social little creatures. A whole new world awaits them, doesn’t it?


But guess what – a whole new world awaits me too and I am more excited about it than the munchkins are about their new backpacks and lunch boxes. Tomorrow morning I return to teaching Sunday School!! I am almost giddy with anticipation.


Almost two weeks ago the Teaching Pastor of our church (Minister of Education for the Baptists out there) called to ask if I would consider teaching the women’s Sunday School class. The call really took me by surprise. I told Pastor Freddy I would pray about it but that even though it was something I’d love to do in the future, I didn’t feel like the time was "right" for me right now.


At first it was difficult for me to even get my mind around the idea of teaching again. Teaching Sunday School has been a HUGE part of my life – my PAST life. But in the two years since God delivered me from my depression, I have been taking only small steps in the restoration process God has promised. My heart cry has been to "keep in step with His Spirit." (Galatians 5:25) I want to be in tandem yoke with Him – walking His path – at His pace.


Last Fall, in the first of those small steps, I enrolled in a women’s Bible study at church for the first time in many years. I loved the study and God ministered richly to me through it. I blogged about it several times. Even though I completed all the lessons, I was really disappointed that circumstances kept me from attending the group meetings nearly half the time. As a result, I never really "bonded" with the group like I’d done in past Bible studies.


I was frustrated by that experience and decided I wouldn’t even try to attend one of the Spring studies offered at church. Then a friend called and asked if I didn’t think I’d enjoy participating in Beth Moore’s Stepping Up study on the Psalms of Ascent. As soon as I prayed about it, I knew I was supposed to attend. I asked God to make a way for me to attend the meetings on a regular basis and feel a part of the group. Embracing "community" - A little bit bigger "step." God began to show me things I could do to help make regular attendance possible and let me know I simply needed to commit to it and trust Him. Oh my goodness! I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful that study was and how it spoke the Word of God into my life. The group was open, loving and easy to feel a part of. The facilitator was one of the best I’ve ever sat under. And guess what – I soaked up every minute of it and wouldn’t have missed it for the world.


When Summer rolled around, God gave me a hunger to be a part of another Bible study . . . to be in His Word and continue to be in the fellowship of sisters in Christ. Then He birthed in me a desire to facilitate the study. BIG step! I asked a friend she’d be interested in hosting the group at her house if I facilitated it. She didn’t even hesitate and the rest, as they say, is "history." God put together His group of women – eight of us all together – and for seven weeks this summer we met together, studied the Word, shared our hearts and the Holy Spirit’s insights, encouraged one another, prayed for and loved one another. It has been the most precious experience in recent memory for me!


As the weeks progressed I began to feel comfortable again (or at least "relatively" comfortable) in the once familiar facilitator role. My heart was awash with gratitude for God’s goodness. I assumed – or maybe I should say expected – that someday soon I would be stepping back into some opportunities in Women’s Ministry. Facilitating Bible studies was all that was in my mind. I never gave teaching Sunday School a thought.


Like I said, Pastor Freddy’s call asking me to teach the women’s class in Sunday School (though our church isn’t really calling it Sunday School any more – it’s an Equipping Group) took me by surprise. My next surprise was how encouraging my husband was about the opportunity. It was obvious he thought it was something I should do. I mentioned it to my mother and she too was extremely encouraging.


When I met with my Bible study group later that night, I mentioned Freddy’s call and asked them to pray for me to know God’s will. I commented to them, as I had earlier to Freddy, that I would be very surprised if this was something God was calling me to do right now because God "usually" has my heart prepared in advance for a "call" and such was definitely not the case. One of my friends laughed when I made that statement. She reminded me that those were the EXACT words I had used when she first asked me about participating in the Stepping Up study last Spring. Woops!


Why do I think I have to impose my expectations on God? Why do I try to "put Him in a box"? Why do I think if He dealt with me in a certain way one time that He has to deal with me that way EVERY time? If I’d been Moses, would I have looked for a burning bush every time I needed to hear from God? I confessed my controlling spirit and asked God to forgive me and help me surrender and simply let Him be God! I reaffirmed my desire to "keep in step with His Spirit."


Over the next 24 hours God hardly allowed the "call" to escape my thoughts. My spirit mulled and prayed and my mind formulated every excuse imaginable.


As I approached my quiet time the next morning, God began to make His will very plain. My eyes fell on the words of Kelly Minter’s wonderful song "This Is My Offering" that are printed in the back of my Bible study book. As soon as I read them I began to hear God’s call (not Freddy’s). My heart began to yield and my spirit began to rejoice. Like the song says, I will not give God what costs me nothing when I bring my sacrifice. Some of the excuses I’d been offering were valid. I had to weigh the cost. From the chorus of the song, I said, "Father, I will go where You lead – I will trust what I can’t see."


By the time my heart embraced those words, I knew God’s answer. My insecurities about whether I was far enough along in my restoration were laid to rest. God reminded me that I don’t have to stay in hiding until I am whole. He invites me to LIVE now – and find my healing along the way.


Now – here’s the most awesome thing! As soon as I said "Yes" to God, INSTANTLY He told me what the class is to study this session (Aug/Sept) and gave me some guidance for the next session (Nov/Dec)!!


Then – a MAJOR confirmation! After I met with Pastor Freddy to talk with him about my decision, I asked my mother if she still had a copy of a little study on the book of James I’d taught about 12 years ago. I apparently had discarded my copy along with my teaching outlines. UGH! Mom gave me her copy through laughter that turned to tears. She told me that when she began to pray for me regarding Freddy’s call two days earlier, God had reminded her of this study and how timely it would be for us right now. But she had decided not to mention it to me until she knew my decision. Is that awesome or what??


I wish I had words to convey how incredibly humbled I am that God has opened the door for me to love His daughters in the setting of this class and to wash their feet with the water of His Word! HE called me. HE will equip me.


Father, when I share my heart with the women You bring in the morning, would You let it be YOUR heart they hear?