I HATE GOOD-BYES

I am a weepy woman today.

I hate it when I get that way.

But. I hate good-byes even more!

Yes. I know. Learning to say good-bye is a necessary life skill. I am 66 bloomin' years old. I learned that particular life skill a LONG time ago. But learning HOW to say good-bye and learning to not HATE it are apparently two different things.

I've never mastered the art of saying good-bye without it hurting my heart.

That's my problem. Saying good-bye hurts. When my heart hurts, it opens the flood gates of my eyes and I become a weepy woman.

Most people don't like a weepy woman. Some people are irritated by tears they think should be restrained. To others - tears just make them uncomfortable. They think they have to "fix" it for you and they can't, so they're uncomfortable. Still others want to judge the reason you are weepy. If it doesn't fit their criterion of a justifiable reason to cry, they criticize or condemn.

But - here's the good news. I may be a weepy woman today - but my Father still loves me. My tears don't make Him irritable. My tears don't make Him uncomfortable. My tears don't make Him judgmental. In fact, my tears are precious to Him.

"You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?" Psalm 56:8

The good news is - even as I weep, my Father's Words wrap themselves around me and draw me to Him. They dry my tears - or they let them fall - whichever He deems most needful for my emotional well-being. But even in my tears, I rejoice in His comfort. I rejoice in His presence. I rejoice in a love that feels the hurt of separation. Wouldn't it be awful not to be able to "feel"?
And. So.

So. I bid a teary farewell to my precious sister who is moving to Tennessee for a few years. I know God has led her where she is going. I saw His hand as He unfolded the plan. I know she will bloom and bless where she is planted. She radiates the Spirit of Jesus wherever she is. And. So. I rejoice. I know she will be home on weekends - and one day soon, if we are again able to "have church" on Sunday mornings, we'll be able to worship together again. And. So. I rejoice. But. For now. For today. I weep because my heart hurts with missing her already. My ears already long to hear the powerful prayers she voices. My spirit misses its agreement with her spirit. And. So. I cry. But. I rejoice. And. My heart holds onto her forever.

And. So. I am a weepy woman.

This morning I viewed a photo album posted online of happy faces at a happy time. Lovely pictures filled with faces of people I love. Faces of people who were totally unaware when those smiling pictures were snapped of the good-byes that waited just around the corner. Of a "world" that would be turned upside down.

And. So. My heart remembered the pain of 12/21. And. My tears began to fall. So much hurt. So many good-byes. Such spiritual devastation. Just when grief had eased - perhaps even ebbed somewhat - the memories of what "once was" attached themselves to hopes that were dashed. Together they swelled to a great wave of grief that washed over me and erupted again in a tide of tears.

I am a weepy woman. But. I am a rejoicing woman. For I have learned some powerful lessons since 12/21.

And. So. I REJOICE.
I rejoice in the comfort of a Father who has compassion on His children.
I rejoice in a Father whose mercy towards me is fresh every morning.
I rejoice in a Father who holds the perfect plan in the palm of His hand - the very spot where my name is written.
I rejoice in a Father whose purposes will not be thwarted.
I rejoice in a Father who takes what man or satan meant for harm and turns it for GOOD in my life.
I rejoice in a Father who has those who were forced to say a good-bye we didn't want to say, now poised on the precipice of a leap of faith and a fullness of His Spirit we might never have known otherwise.

I hate good-byes. But - I TRUST God!!!! (Ps.56:3,4,11)