HUNGER

I'm hungry this morning, Abba. No. Not physically hungry. Like the song says, "I'm hungry for more of You."  You have been so precious to me through the holiday season in allowing me to feast on the fellowship of family and friends (both old and new). But, somehow, Father, I have never learned how to have guests in my home for an extended period and it not preempt the quiet, intimate time I have with you. There's too much "Martha" in me, isn't there, Master?

Yielded and still this morning, I want to hear Your voice. And yes, Master. I ESPECIALLY want to hear Your voice tell me where I err. I don't see myself as You do. I know that. My humanity rises up in self-protection - in comparison - in jealousy - and justifies my ungodly attitudes - excuses my sin. How quickly I excuse in myself what I condemn in others! How much like the hypocritical Pharisees Jesus rebuked am I? Oh Father. How I hunger to be fully Yours. How I hunger for holiness. Dare I be as transparent as I want to be here in what is a fairly public forum? Dare I allow others to know my inmost thoughts as vile as they are at times? I don't know.

All I know is

• I am hungry for holiness in my life
• I am hungry for purity of heart
• I am hungry to walk in truth
• I am hungry for Your presence

If those hungers are to be satisfied, dear Abba, it will ONLY be by Your mercy and Your grace. Teacher. Rabbi. Master. You said, "learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart ..." (Matt.11:29). Would You teach me to be more like You? Let me learn from You, Jesus. You were the holiest, most powerful voice that ever spoke and yet You described Yourself as lowly in heart. Help me lay aside self-righteousness and pride. I need Your grace to become what I hunger to become. You give grace to the humble - never to the proud. Your Word teaches that over and over and over again. Abba, I am not as holy as I like to appear. Not. Even. Close. Change my heart, O God. Bring Your grace to meet my need. Create in me a clean heart. Deepen the knowledge of my personal need for grace. Help me embrace Your voice of truth. Help me refuse to hide from the condition of my heart. O God, I am SO prone to hide my head in the sand. Master, help me face the true condition of my heart with determination to change - to yield - to surrender. I hunger to have the kind of genuine meekness from which true holiness grows. In Your mercy - open my eyes to see the depravity of my heart.

One of my goals for this new year is to relinquish criticism - to not be judgmental toward others. Holy Spirit, You are my Remembrancer. Would You remind me any time a critical or judgmental thought comes to my mind that it is born from self-righteousness - not humility. In times of spiritual fullness when I feel my hungers being satisfied - ESPECIALLY then, Master - remind me to delight in my weakness, knowing that any strength I find is the product of Your grace.

Abba - I am not hungering for moments of self-abasement. I am hungering for meekness to become a way of life. May I delight in becoming "lowly in heart." Today, precious Father, I cast myself at Your feet and choose the path of humility. Lead me. Lead me. Lead me in step with Your Spirit. Let me grow in love. Let me excel in mercy. Let me pray instead of finding fault. Let me persevere in love-motivated prayer knowing that the battle for men's souls is always won in intercession.