How About a Slice of Humble Pie?

No, thanks, you say? Don't care for Humble Pie? Well, guess what? Neither do I. But it's time for me to eat a slice. A generous slice. Thankfully, it falls within my criterion of eating healthily. Humble Pie isn't very sweet so surely it doesn't have many calories. Anyway, don't they say confession is GOOD for the soul?

Does everybody hate admitting being wrong as much as I do? Where do I begin? It's been six weeks since my last blog. (Why do I feel like I'm in a catholic confessional saying "Father, forgive me for I have sinned. It's been six weeks since my last confession."? GRIN!)

For several weeks now I've been struggling with temptation that has been strong enough to feel like a full fledged attack by the enemy. God has shown me several things as I have sought His strength to overcome my temptation.

• First, Yes, this IS an attack by the enemy. The enemy of my soul will always attack in my most vulnerable spot. He likes nothing better than for me to be overweight and filled with shame and remorse because of it. If I'm focused on myself and my shame, I'm not very useful in God's kingdom.

• Second, this may be an "attack" but I - and I alone - opened the door for it. Funny how often that's the case when we believers find ourselves "under attack," isn't it!

• Third, God (on the promise of His word - I Cor. 10:13) will not let me be tempted beyond my ability and will provide me a way of escape so that I can endure it.

• Fourth, what the enemy has meant for harm through this temptation, God will use for His glory as He teaches me once again of His mercy, forgiveness, grace, faithfulness, and power.

THE TEMPTATION:

Thanksgiving/Christmas before last (2006), I was only a few months into my new eating resolves and was diligently relying on God for guidance in all my holiday eating. I didn't consider any food forbidden and if I wanted a taste of some of the succulent desserts that seemed so readily available, I ate them in small amounts. But, by and large, I did not have much temptation to overeat OR to partake of sugary, high calorie (unhealthy) foods. God upheld me and blessed my efforts.

This holiday season (2007) found me well below my goal weight and I wrongly approached eating without the same depth of diligence and reliance on God's guidance. My resolve to eat healthy foods in healthy amounts was still in place but I often found myself eating larger quantities than I really needed and sampling generous servings of rich foods and desserts. The end result of those foolish choices was that it reawakened my body's sugar cravings and they have screamed to be satiated ever since. It's been an ongoing, continual struggle of desiring sweets for weeks now and there have been very few days that I've been victorious in keeping the desire subdued. ARGH!

Today I weigh five pounds more than I weighed before Thanksgiving. Now, don't get me wrong. My obedience is not to a number on the scale. I don't care if I weigh what I weigh today for the rest of my life . . . IF that's what GOD chooses for me to weigh. Right now, I'm still very comfortably fitting into my size 4's. BUT - I have ridden the weight rollercoaster enough years of my life to KNOW from experience how easy it is for 5 pounds to become 10 and then 10 become 20 and before you know it, you're right back where you started. I've "been there - done that - and got the t-shirt." In fact, I had the "t-shirt" in about five different sizes! But I've cleaned those boogers out of my closet and I'm not making room for them again!

I have repented of the pride that I allowed to deceive me into thinking I could eat carelessly. God intends me to eat in a way that honors Him (I Cor. 10:31) and I am committed to doing that. Oh, God is so good! His mercy is so sweet. In fact, it's the only "sweet" I know that truly satisfies. My pride opened the door for the enemy to launch a relentless attack of temptation in what and how much I eat. But God has provided a way of escape.

THE WAY OF ESCAPE:

Hebrews 12:16 (The Message) "Watch out for the Esau syndrome: trading away God's lifelong gift in order to satisfy a short-term appetite."

As the story of Esau is told in Genesis 27, Esau was so focused on satisfying his physical hunger of the moment that he sold his birthright with all its benefit for his future. He let a temporary "fix" steal permanent promises of his future because this satisfaction of his physical hunger was in the tangible "now" and his birthright was in the unseen future.

How many, many times have I done the same thing in my life! As I've yielded to temptation over the last few weeks, am I not, in effect, doing the same thing again? When I spoon into my mouth senseless sugar calories that don't nourish my body in a way that honors God, am I not giving away my inheritance of the healthy, vital body that's in my future?

God wants me to REMEMBER ESAU. And, because of His wonderful mercy, forgiveness and grace, He also wants me to remember that He loves me. Leading me to my way of escape are two post-it notes in my kitchen - one on the cookie jar lid and one prominently in the snack cabinet of my pantry. These notes say: BB,RE. Which, being interpreted means: Beloved Beverly, remember Esau!

Yes, my precious Father. I will remember!

When I accept the fact that because of my past misuse of food this will always be an area where I have great vulnerability both to assaults by the enemy and the pull of my flesh. . . When I quit making excuses and vows to "do better tomorrow" . . . when I bring it before my Heavenly Father and confess once again my total dependance upon Him . . .when I rely on His power instead of my own feeble efforts . . . THEN, I am walking in truth. And you know what truth does, don't you? Yep! It sets you free! The Spirit of the Lord begins to answer those yielded cries and, oh my friend, "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM!" (2 Cor. 3:17b)

In the freedom of accepting my reality and yielding control of it to Him I can then say, "Okay, Abba, this is where I am right now. What are we going to do about it?" And He gently answers, "Do you remember Esau?" He applies His living and powerful Word to my heart and sets me free to walk in His truth!! Oh what a wonder He is!!

You may not struggle with weight issues at all. But friends who do are who prompted me to begin this blog. With all my heart I want to be a faithful witness to the power of Holy God to change and transform lives. For those who have noticed the physical changes (and hopefully the spiritual ones too) that have taken place in my life in the past year or so, I want to be faithful to give God ALL the glory. That's what this blog is all about. Any success I have attained in losing weight, becoming fit, getting healthier in mind and body; is completely and totally because of Him - not me. Therefore, when I slip - when I mess up - when I take my eyes off the author and perfecter of my faith - when, in pride, I sin by trying to control my own life instead of yielding it to Him - THEN, I want to be faithful to confess that (even if the Humble Pie tastes bitter). THEN, I can demonstrate once again God's great power to forgive and restore. THEN, I can faithfully shout my testimony of His abundant mercy and grace. THEN, I can affirm the sheer JOY of experiencing His presence and walking in His freedom. Hopefully, He will use that to encourage you too.

One of the most faithful encouragers God has placed in my life is a friend at my church for whom weight issues have never even been a consideration. But God has redeemed her from the pit just like He has me (though it was a different pit). He has broken great bondages in her life with a mighty hand of deliverance. Every time I share with her something of God's deliverance and freedom as it relates to my eating (or my depression) she is faithful to remind me of how the same principles have applied in her area of bondage.

I share that to simply say - Esau and I traded our inheritance for food. What have you traded yours for? The area of bondage doesn't really matter as much as your point of surrender does. Accept the reality of your situation. Confess it to the One Who loves you with a steadfast (everlasting) love. Let His Spirit show you what you need to do. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM. Walk in freedom today, beloved. Hand in hand with HIM!