What If?

November 27, 1964

Palmer Baptist Church - Ripley, Mississippi

I've been thinking about weddings all week. Beth Moore's youngest daughter, Melissa, got married last Saturday. I woke up that morning looking forward to a nice quiet morning at home ALONE. A rarity for me these days! I was excited about the opportunity to stay in my quiet time as long as I wanted without having to watch the dreaded hands of the clock for a too fast approaching time to be somewhere else. Oh, the joy of uninterrupted time with the Lord!

The first thought that danced its way across my conscious mind was "Today is Melissa's wedding day!" I felt as excited for her as if she were a member of my own family. How can I feel so connected with someone I've never even met? How can I feel such incredible excitement and joy for her? Easy! It's the bond of the Holy Spirit of God. It's the bond of a shared Savior. It's the bond of Christian sisterhood.

This precious young woman I've never met is real to me because of the way the Spirit of God has used her mother's teaching and writings to speak His truths and admonitions into my life many MANY times over the past fifteen years. Who can forget the horror of the story Beth told of Melissa's playmates (when she was about 5 or 6 years old) stuffing her in a cooler and standing on the lid? Who can forget the stories of this lively bundle of energy who found her special niche one day when someone put a basketball in her hands? Who can forget the example of a strong will when this child was quoted as asking her mother (when she was only FOUR) "are you gonna boss me today?" And, oh the precious stories and pictures of her and her sister, Amanda, in their mother's book, Feathers From My Nest.

I have always felt that God has richly anointed and blessed Beth Moore's ministry because she is so genuinely humble before Him. I think Beth's openness and transparency is superseded only by her family as they willingly allow her to share anecdotes of their every endeavor with the entire world if it can bring glory to God. And it always does!! Both daughters, now adults, are part of their mother's ministry in marvelous ways.

Amanda moderates the LPM Blog and hundreds of us ("Siestas" we are called . . . a typo derivative of "Sistas") feel that we have come to know her as well as her mother. What a precious young woman she is!

I am continually amazed at how often Amanda and Beth post on the LPM Blog. I know what a challenge it is for me to find time to write and I cannot imagine how they make the time with the schedules they maintain. But, oh my, what a blessing they are in and through that blog site! I seldom miss a day of checking to see what's new there ... and am continually blessed and encouraged by comments others post. It's a whole community of believers - as diverse as we can be - but bound together by a common love. . . the love of a Faithful Father who never fails us . . . the love of our Redeemer who rescues us daily . . . the love of the Spirit who is poured into our hearts! "Oh, what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us that we should be called the children of God " I John 3:1

So, it was with great interest that I read last week's wedding preparation posts and waited with baited breath for the next opportunities of sharing their family's festivities by way of their posted recaps. I prayed for Melissa and the whole Moore family and friends all day long Satuday and my heart was filled with immeasurable happiness for them. Amanda posted (or had a friend do it for her) Melissa's bridal portrait on the blog site while the wedding was still taking place. Oh my goodness! What a stunningly gorgeous bride! Monday she posted the most precious picture of Beth and Keith dancing. Beth was gazing at her "man" (as she calls him) with eyes filled with such love you'd have thought THEY were the bride and groom! Today there is a wonderful assortment of photos and delightful details of some of the highlights of the weekend - with more promised to come as photos are available. And, of course, the Mother of the Bride will be sharing from her perspective soon. Hope I can stand it. She wrote a letter of blessing to Melissa the week before the wedding that made me run for a box of tissues!

I'm reading the book Captivating (by John & Stasi Eldredge) right now. All my focus on Melissa's wedding this week has made me realize how truly on target the authors of this book are when they say that within the heart of every woman longs the need to be romanced.

This, of course, turns my thoughts toward my own "Prince Charming" and I thought it would be fun to post one of our very own time-worn wedding pictures. Yes, they had cameras back in those days! (But not digital ones ... so thank goodness for scanners - GRIN) My Uncle Leonard, a professional photographer, came from Florida and took our wedding pictures as a generous gift to us. We have many lovely posed pictures but this candid shot has long been my favorite for several reasons. First, (and let's just get this vanity issue out of the way) I always thought it made me look prettier than I really was. What woman doesn't like a picture when she can look at it and say, "Hey, did I really look that good?" GRIN The happiness on our faces was so genuine. We had just been pronounced husband and wife and were exiting the church. I think the picture is special to me because I have always seen so much symbolism in it. Notice that Roy is a step ahead of me . . . leading the way . . . stepping out first into the world that will hold our years of married life. Notice that he has a firm grip on my hand ... not the other way around. My husband is not a hand-holder. I've often wished he were. And I've often reached to take his hand when we're walking side by side. In this picture, he has a firm grip on my hand as he leads the way. Perhaps he was conscious of the steps ahead on the church entrance and wanted to make sure I didn't stumble. (More likely, back then he probably just wanted to pull me outside for another smooch. LOL!) What I've noticed over the years (and greatly appreciate) is that even though he's not given to hand-holding, anytime the path is rocky, steep or dangerous in any way, he reaches for my hand and grasps it just like he did in this photo. I see it as a token of his protection as much as his affection.

My Prince Charming - better known as "Ole Roy" - and I have been married for more than 43 years. I can honestly say that I love him more today than the day we wed . . . and I thought I loved him with everything in me back then. It's just that today, I know him so much better than I did then. I've lived with the man for 43+ years and I've seen him at his best and at his worst. I've seen him in joy and I've seen him in fury. I've seen him in happiness and I've seen him in despair. I've seen him in health and I've seen him in sickness. We're polar opposites in the things we like . . . from food to movies to hobbies and most things in between. And though I think I know him as well as any human on earth, he continues to surprise me (sometimes happily - sometimes NOT - GRIN).

I explored Psalm 124 a couple of days this week in the Bible study I'm participating in at church (Stepping Up by Beth Moore, of course!). In this psalm, David kind of did some "What If?" thinking. What if God had not been for us ...the people would have swallowed us alive when they rose up against us ... the flood would have drowned us ... we would have been ripped to shreds ...and other metaphors. He ends by saying "Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

In the personal application of this psalm Beth asked, "What might have happened with your life if the Lord had not been for you?" I began to think back over my life. Since I've been married for more than two-thirds of it, most of my thoughts drifted over the ups and downs of marriage. No matter how wonderful Prince Charming may be, there are times he's not very charming. Times when being married to him is just plain old hard work. Times when the bump in the road looks likes a mountain you may not be able to climb. That's just a pure fact of life. Marriage is hard.

I contemplated any number of "What If" senarios and then I wrote in my journal:

Father, You are a God of TRUTH - not "what if's" but the truth of the matter is; were it not for You and the counsel of Your Word, the application of sound biblical teaching over the years, Your matchless grace, the guidance of Your Spirit and Your abiding strength and sustenance - I would probably be in a VERY different place in my life. I probably would have been selfish and foolish enough to discard a man who today, after 43 years of marriage, is a wonderful blessing in my life."

I poured out my heart to God in grateful praise for His placing Roy in my life when I was a nineteen year old college girl with emotional needs as deep as the ocean. I thanked Him for keeping Roy in my life throughout these many years when Roy has had more than enough reasons to give up on me. I thanked God because I believe I am a better person today because of Roy's influence over the course of our marriage.

Roy has a positive "can do" attitude about every challenge. I am quickly given to despair. He sees opportunities where I see obstacles. He has taught me much! He has a natural upbeat outlook. I have to work diligently to keep negativity at bay. He is one of the consistently funniest people you will ever meet. He has a sense of humor that just won't quit! What a wonderful trait! His humor has brought a light-heartedness to many serious issues through the years.

Roy has a "do it now" work ethic. If there's a task to be done, he throws himself into it 100% and right by golly NOW. His tenacity reproves my procrastination. I have long held the position of President Emeritus of Procrastinators Anonymous. I am seldom successful in following my husband's example and my "put it off until the last minute" approach is probably the bane of his existence more often than he'd admit.

I am blessed to have great personal trust in him because he is such a man of integrity. He has a generous spirit that is a blessing to many. Just ask my mom. It was HIS idea to remodel his boat garage and turn it into a nice little guest cottage for her so she wouldn't have to worry about rent for the rest of her days. She loves the security and convenience of living right on our property. Roy has taught me SO much over the years through his acceptance of others! He is a man of strength and honor and ethics. And he's a man that, even in retirement, still has a desire to grow and learn.

Yes, "What If" God had not been for me and not blessed me with a husband who would challenge me to be the best me I could be? I shudder to think! Instead I simply thank God for him and pray that God will "enable me to do him good and not harm all the days of my life."Proverbs 31:12

I want to add just another word here lest anyone think I have a "perfect" husband. Let's be real clear ... even though he has sung the country song "Oh, Lord, it's hard to be humble when you're perfect in every way. I can't wait to look in the mirror. I get better looking each day. ...." as his theme song for YEARS ... (and I'm serious as a heart attack - he really HAS!) "Perfect" he is NOT!! But what he IS is God's chosen instrument in my life that continually teaches and refines me. God uses even the things in my husband that I perceive as shortcomings ... even things that I may find hurtful ... to teach me - to reprove me - to reveal areas that I need to more fully surrender to Him - to encourage me to trust Him more.

You may be in a season of marital woe right now. You may even think you no longer love your husband. You may think you can't be obedient to God's command that you reverence your husband because you look at him and see nothing worthy of respect. Well, take it from me, when you take your eyes off your husband and put them on God and ask Him to teach you what He wants YOU to learn through this "instrument" (your husband) that He has placed in your life, He will do it! MANY years ago when (of my own making) I was going through a season just like that, I pulled out the wedding photo that I posted at the beginning of this entry and framed it. I asked God to help me begin to love my husband again like I had on that day. Seeing it on my desk each morning when I came to my quiet time was a daily reminder. From the bottom of my heart I can tell you God has honored that prayer.

I pray daily a prayer from Sylvia Gunter's Prayer Portions:

Lord, help me love my husband UNRESERVEDLY,

with the heart of the Father,

by the grace of the Son,

and in the power of the Spirit.

Help me to BLESS him

expecting NOTHING in return.

I confess that I am not "there" yet - especially in the "unreservedly" category. I hold so much back. I've erected so many defense mechanisms over the years. But, you know what? God isn't finished with me yet! He's still working and I'm still learning to trust Him! And after 43 years, our marriage is still evolving and I can't wait to see what God will do next!