Delivered Or Developed?

I can’t remember how many years it has been. At least 15. Maybe more. I don’t remember where I was going. What I CAN remember is the precise spot where I was driving when I heard it. If I were a GPS I could give you the coordinates. Isn’t the selectivity of human memory an interesting phenomena?


I remember that I was in the midst of some great "test" of life. Some personal "storm." Does it matter that from today’s perspective I can’t even remember what it was? These many years later I might view it as foolish or insignificant anyway. Who knows? What I CAN remember – and I remember it with vivid clarity – are the emotions that were smothering the very breath from my lungs at the time. Discouragement. Despair. Self-pity. Hopelessness.

Complete.

Utter.

Hopelessness.


Then I heard it.

The voice of Jesus.

Speaking.

Audibly.

Directly to me.

From my car radio!!

Okay. Maybe it wasn’t REALLY Jesus. Maybe it was an announcer reading the scripture of the day. But it didn’t matter. It was Jesus speaking. And the words were for me. Maybe He spoke them originally to Simon Peter. But at that very moment, He was speaking them to ME!


Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that He may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren. (Luke 22:31-32)

All I truly remember hearing was the voice of Jesus telling me HE was praying for me. That made everything instantly different. God had not abandoned me. What I’d been going through was an assault from the enemy. That changed everything. Instant confidence was mine. I knew I was going to make it. Jesus had prayed that my faith would not fail. He said "when" I returned to Him – not "if"!


I remember the weight of despair and discouragement lifting from my spirit. I remember self-pity dissolving into gratitude. I remember feeling intense HOPE for the first time in months. And, yet, not a single circumstance in my life had changed. But I had heard the voice of Jesus and that changed everything.

As I’ve meditated on that scripture passage from Luke’s gospel this morning I’ve wondered . . . why didn’t I care that Jesus had not prayed for relief from my sifting? Usually the first thing I want from Jesus when I am hurting is relief. Deliverance.


In comforting our church family last week at the funeral of a precious little 5 year old boy, my pastor said: "In your darkest hour, go to the deepest thing you know about God and hang on." That counsel has ministered to me a lot this week.

I think that’s basically what I did in that dark hour so many years ago. I did not question why Jesus was leaving me in the "sifting" because I knew Him as Sovereign. I knew then – and I know now – that nothing touches my life without being filtered through His fingers. Fingers of love. Fingers attached to a hand that has my name engraved on it. Because God is Sovereign I can know that the storms and tests that come into my life – no matter how difficult they may seem – are either allowed or ordained by Him to be used for my good and His glory.


Far too many times in my life when a storm has come, my first instinct has been to cry out for deliverance. I almost always want instant relief. Relief from the sifting process. Being sifted is not pleasant. In fact, being sifted is flat out painful.

But here’s what I’m learning more and more every day: Sometimes God wants to do more than deliver us. Sometimes He wants to develop us. Did you hear that?? Think about it for a minute. Sometimes God wants to do more than deliver us. Sometimes He wants to DEVELOP us!


If I want a deep relationship with the Lord – and I do, don’t you? – then I must recognize: A deep relationship with the Lord requires deep testing. And deep testing requires deep faith.

In the midst of a raging storm, Jesus called Peter to "come" – to step out of the boat and face the storm WITH Him. He periodically calls us to do the same thing.


What do I want from Jesus today? Do I want Him to deliver me from my struggles? Do I want Him to spare me from painful tests? Do I want Him to still the storms in my life? Or, do I want Him to take my hand and be beside me in the storm? Do I want him to pray that my faith won’t fail in the midst of the test? Do I want Him to deliver me? Or, do I want Him to develop me?

Today, I choose the latter. It’s only when He develops me that my struggles will bring Him glory. It’s when He develops me that my sensitivity and sympathy for others who are facing hardships grows. Then – and only then – can He use me to strengthen my "sisters."

O God of my righteousness:
Thou has enlarged me when I was in distress.
Psalm 4:1 (KJV)