Juniper Journeys

Wha'cha been doing all week, girlfriends? Hope it's been a good one for you.

Me? Oh, thanks for asking. I took a trip this week. It was actually a fairly short journey to a very familiar place. I've been curled up under a Juniper tree for a few days. Isn't that where the prophet Elijah went when he wanted to feel badly about himself? If it was good enough for Elijah, it must be good enough for me. Trust me though, the place I've "been" wasn't nearly as pretty as this picture. And my reasons for being there weren't nearly as spiritual as Elijah's!

You know how sometimes "push comes to shove" and you find yourself propelled to somewhere you don't really want to be? Well, that's how I made my Juniper journey. "Push" came to "shove."

Here's the "push." Though, most assuredly, no one meant for it to be! (No one, perhaps, but the enemy of our souls who never misses an opportunity to bring us down!)

This is me with my cousin, Teri, when I visited her and my Aunt Nelle at their home in Florida two years ago this month. Aunt Nelle called on Wednesday and asked me to email them a copy of this picture. OMGoodness! Was I really that size just a mere two years ago?? ARGH!

I decided this snapshot would serve as good encouragement and motivation to get back to that size. But guess what .... the "encouragement" quickly turned to condemnation as I mentally began to beat myself up for my failure to maintain. Wait a minute. Didn't I just write a post a few days ago declaring that I would no longer receive mental condemnation but would stand on Romans 8:1? ARGH! Push. Push. Push. Before I knew what was happening, my fresh steps forward had changed direction and I was mentally in "reverse."

That was the "push." Then came the "shove." This was the exercise in the personal bible study I'm working through (Scale Down Wellness Workbook by Danna Demetre, p.27) and what greeted me in my quiet time the very next morning.

True or False?

• I dislike my overall physical appearance.
• I'm unhappy with the size and shape of my body.
• I am ashamed to be seen in a swimsuit.
• I feel other people must think that my body is unattractive.
• I compare myself to others.
• I am self-conscious about my appearance.
• My body preoccupies my thinking many times during the day.

How do you think I answered those questions? Yep! I marked a great big "T" for True to every single one of them. Then, as if I needed another "shove" ... here's the one that sent me right over the edge and running for the Juniper.

The next question in the workbook was: Name 3 things you LIKE about your physical body. GULP! I could not do it. I could NOT do it. I. COULD. NOT. DO. IT. There are NOT three things I LIKE about my physical body!!!

I started to write "my hair" beside the number 1. My hair has always been my favorite physical feature about myself. Not so much anymore. Now it's almost completely gray and I'm finding out the gray hairs have more a mind of their own than they did when they were full of life and color. They can be quite stubborn. My hair has gotten unruly and won't always do what I want it to. It often looks dull and has lost the natural sheen it once had. AND it's not as thick as it used to be. (Besides that, I'm past due for a haircut so it's REALLY ratty looking right now and that doesn't help my feelings at all!)

Then I looked at the picture from two years ago again and remembered - I might have liked my size then but I still didn't like my body. At 60+ my skin has lost the elasticity it had when I was younger. When I lose the fat deposits that have built up on my midriff, abdomen, thighs, and every where else, my skin just sags in loose folds. YUCK! It is NOT a pretty picture. Looking at my skin moved me to begin railing at all the effects of aging on the outward appearance. Besides the sagging, there's the wrinkles. Besides the wrinkles, there's the fragility of the skin that cuts or bruises with the slightest bump. Besides the fragility, there's the ugly puckered seer-sucker look. Besides the puckered look, there's the transluscency of the skin that shows all the veins. Besides all the veins showing through, there's ugly brown age spots. Shall I go on, girls??

Needless to say, I was having a grand and glorious pity party under the Juniper. Aren't you glad you didn't get an invitation to go with me??

Here's the GOOD news. God didn't leave Elijah wallowing in his woes under the Juniper. He encouraged Him and told him to get up and go. Praise His Holy Name, He did the same for me!

What He did was have me look at that picture again and remember what I DID like about my body two years ago.

1. It was healthy.
2. It was full of energy.
3. It had lots of strength and stamina.

I've left the Juniper's shade and am moving into the light of God's truth. I'm focusing on filling my mind with the truth of God's Word so it will light my path as I move forward to once again embrace better health, more energy and greater strength and stamina.

I will give thanks to You, O God,

for even at 64,
I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

wonderful are Your works,

and my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14 (personal paraphrase)