HOPE and THE LIFTER OF MY HEAD

This is a verse I have been clinging to a lot in the past couple of weeks. So - this morning when I opened my eyes and the tears began to fall, it's the first verse the Holy Spirit brought to my mind. Grief is a curious thing, isn't it? You can have it under control one minute and then be knocked back down by the next wave of it that surges and lose your footing so badly you feel you are drowning.

Yesterday I stood strong and had peace and joy in the midst of what was for me "difficult" circumstances. In the morning, Roy and I went to the church and brought all my personal belongings home. God sustained me and my sweet husband was there to help shoulder the load with his strength - both physical and emotional.

In the afternoon, I wrote a note to the girls on my SS roll introducing their new teacher. It was a genuine joy to do so because I truly am thrilled with who the Lord has raised up to teach the class. She is a "daughter of my heart" whom I love dearly. I'm confident in what a blessing she will be to the women I have loved so dearly these past few years. I know from my personal experience that they will be a blessing to her. But. Still. There was an element of finality about it that brought renewed and intense pain in my heart.

The hardest struggle came when prayer meeting time came last night and I had no place to go. Oh, I know I could have attended prayer meeting at another church - worshiped with other believers in the family of God. I will do that soon. But my pain is too raw right now and my emotions too close to the surface. I should have gotten in the Word. I'm a mature enough believer to know that! But we don't always do what we know we should, do we? I was drained emotionally and physically fatigued so I crawled into bed and watched a movie (a DISNEY movie if that tells you anything about this old gray haired grandmother - LOL. )

This morning I awoke to the tears, the heavy spirit, and a headache that coffee and Tylenol had to ease before I could even concentrate on the Word. I cried out to the Lifter of My Head.

HE is SO Faithful!!!! Soon my droopy chin was up and His peace moved a smile to my lips. I wish I could say I looked as pretty as the young woman in this picture. GRIN I will say, in my Father's presence, His love makes me feel that pretty. Oh how affirming is the gentle love of my Advocate, my Bridegroom, my Counselor, my Deliverer, my Encourager, my Faithful One, my Guard, my precious Hiding Place, my Instructor, my JESUS, the Keeper of all my tears, the Lover of my soul, my Majesty on High, my Never-failing God, the One who chose me and called me, my Purifier and my Pardon , the Quieter of my storms, my Redeemer, Refiner, Restorer, and Refuge; my Savior, Sanctifier and Shield; my Truth and Teacher, my Unchanging One, my Very present help in time of trouble, my Wisdom from God, my EXample, my Yes to all God's promises, He is Zion's Eternal King and mine too!!!!!

God used Psalm 42 this morning to remind me what to do when my chin is down. Tiptoe through some of its verses with me if you have time.

As the deer pants for the water brooks, So pants my soul for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. (v.1-2)
Oh, yes, sweet Savior! David told us he was feeding us salt from Your Word so we'd thirst after You. Thank You for a pastor that faithfully did that! Thank You, Living Water. Satisfy my thirst with You alone!

My tears have been my food day and night ...(v.3)

Lord, help me not feed on my feelings! Let me feed from the banquet table of Your Word.

When I remember these things, I pour out my soul within me. For I used to go with the multitude; I went with them to the house of God, With the voice of joy and praise...(v.4)

Every Sunday Father I fell on my face before You with JOY over being in Your house and with Your people. Now my heart is broken when I remember it and realize it will be no more. Father, I know You don't want my memories to be an anchor that holds me bound to the past. Use them as a rudder to guide me.

Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls; All Your waves and billows have gone over me.(v.7)

At times, Father, when these waves of grief hit and knock me off my feet, it feels as though I am drowning.

Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy? (v.9)

I trust You to turn my mourning into dancing before You, for You are my light and my truth. I do not have to believe the lies of the enemy.

Why are you downcast, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him . The help of my countenance and my God. (v.6,11 and 43:5)

All my hope is in You Lord. You lift up my head and put a smile on my face!
I will praise You IN this storm!!!!