Feasting on Fellowship

In other posts I've written about the sentences God gave me to use to begin my journal each morning. (Good morning, my Abba. This is Your beloved child, Beverly.) I've mentioned before how, occasionally, an adjective like precious or tender will slip its way in before I write the name Abba. One day last week I began my journal and before I even realized what I was writing I penciled "Good morning, my sweet Abba." I sat looking at that for a moment and then I wrote:

Is SWEET a strange adjective to attach to You, Abba? You Who are Holy. You - the all-powerful, all-knowing King of the Universe . . . I come into Your presence . . . I bow before You in awe . . . and I call you SWEET? Oh my Abba, it IS so sweet to me that you daily affirm your love for me from Your word. I desperately need Your love and You give it in abundance. It is so sweet - so precious - to me that You have turned my life into such an adventure that I wait with excited anticipation to see what You are going to do next. . . what new thing You are going to teach me. It's so sweet to me that in these days of growing old, becoming wrinkled, saggy and gray - you have made me feel young again - and beautiful. You wrap Your arms of love around me like a cloak and invite me to stay there safe and secure. You invite me to dance the dance of my life in Your arms. You make me feel cherished.

Why would You love me like this? Me, who has turned my back on You and wandered from Your commands more times than I can count. . . Me, who has been a dismal witness for You so many times amidst my family . . . Me, who has so often demonstrated an irritable spirit and a sharp tongue. I don't know why, Abba - I'm just glad you do! Thank You for Your matchless, truly AMAZING Grace! 'Tis So SWEET to trust in Jesus!

I sat meditating for awhile on how wonderfully SWEET God truly is and then I picked up my Lose it For Life devotional and read these words:
"As compulsive and emotional overeaters, we have spent our time and money using food to deal with our feelings. We have thrilled our sweet tooth when we really needed the sweetness of love and connection with Christ and other people."

May I just say - God is truly satisfying my "hungers" these days with the sweetness of His love and is bringing me out of isolation and back into a place of sweet connection with other believers. I am feasting on fellowship!

The sweetest place of fellowship for me right now is the Stepping Up Bible study group I attend for two hours each week. And to think - I almost missed it! Last Fall, I enrolled in a women's ministry Bible study for the first time in years. It was a wonderful study. I had great times in the Word as I completed my "homework." I learned some WONDERFUL truths that greatly impacted my spiritual growth. But I only got to actually attend about half the meetings. Because I missed as often as I was there, I never really bonded with the group like I needed to and I was really frustrated by that. So, I'd decided I wasn't going to try a Bible study during this Spring session - I didn't want to get frustrated again (Yep . . . the old perfectionism nemesis reared its ugly head once again!) A friend encouraged me to pray about it again. Hmmm . . . had I really prayed about it when I decided I wouldn't try another evening study or had I simply decided I didn't want to risk being frustrated again?? I prayed about it . . . and God said - "enroll and trust Me to get you there." [The fact that God gifted me with a husband who generously agreed to cover for me with the munchkins any week their mommy didn't make it home before it was time for me to leave has been a BIG help!]

I've never done a Beth Moore study I didn't enjoy but I'll have to say, the teachings in this study on the Psalms of Ascent have absolutely been PERFECTLY suited for "where I am" right now. Some days as I read my lesson, I think "How could she have known I feel that way?" Other times I think "Okay - now she's quit preachin' and gone to meddlin'" GRIN! It has been the perfect time for me personally in this study and God has spoken powerfully.

But as sweet as He has spoken to me in my personal study, He has spoken even sweeter in group time. There are eleven of us in the group and the diversity is wonderful: There's one in her 30's, several their 40's , several in their 50's, and about four of us are in our 60's. Some are career professionals - some are homemakers. Some have no children, some have young children still at home, some have rebellious teens, some are empty nesters, and some of us are grandmothers. Some of us have happy marriages, some are struggling, some have been divorced and one is a widow. We're all as different as we can be. Yet, we have in common the Spirit of the Living God and our love for Him gives us love for one another as well.

Our group leader does an absolutely superb job week after week of moderating the discussion and keeping us on track. She has ministered grace and wisdom during group conversations in ways that have affirmed and encouraged members and left me in awe of the way God is using her in our lives. What a testimony she is to me of the sufficiency of God's grace. She lost a brother she dearly loved the week before our group began and I know she's still grieving because tears come quickly to her eyes when she speaks of him. But she made herself available to by used by God to facilitate this group despite her grief and He is blessing her faithfulness in very special ways.

Some of the women in the group are new acquaintances for me and I am loving getting to know them. One of them will soon be going to the mission field and I feel so honored to have this time of getting to know her before she leaves. I know it will make my prayers for her and her family more personal. Several of the women are friends I knew from before my wilderness exile. I am so challenged by how far they have "gone on" with God while I was simply "gone." Week after week, God uses things from this study to bless and encourage me, and the comments these women share in our group discussion time are among His sweetest blessings. Oh how I needed "community." Oh how I have missed it!